Part one and two of the conflict resolution series focused on looking at thoughts and emotions that may interfere with resolution. Part three will have a look at your attitudes towards conflict resolution.
A core component of conflict resolution is whether you want to approach conflict with a win/lose attitude where obtaining what you want comes at the cost of someone else or whether you want to approach conflict with a win/win attitude where you work towards a solution that is fair to all parties. A good counsellor or mediator can help to facilitate a win/win outcome but most of us have to sort through conflicts on our own, so try breaking down your approach into three categories.
- What is your objective – what do you want/need? What changes do you want/need?
- Relationship status – how do you want the other person to feel about you after the interaction?
- Degree of self-respect – how do you want to feel about yourself after the interaction?
Which one is more important to you? If it’s the objective than you’re probably low on willingness to hear the other persons side and incorporate their needs and desires. If the other two are a high priority than its likely you are open to effective conflict resolution. However if you are too preoccupied with two and three you are likely to approach conflict resolution with a passive or avoidant attitude. This will require further exploration on your part. Part four in this series will have a closer look at the issue of self-respect. Of course the best outcomes are achieved if you place importance on all three categories.
Examining your goals and priorities determines if you have the necessary attitude to get what you want without damaging your relationships or self-worth. It will help you determine if there is more work to be done on your internal conflicts before attempting conflict resolution with another party.
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