Most people need to work on their self-esteem muscles before they attempt conflict resolution so they don’t fall into the trap of compounding their sense of inferiority or gaining a false sense of superiority.
Trap one – Compounding your inferiority
This happens when you approach conflict resolution with the main objective of pleasing or being liked by others. The payoff is you get to avoid confrontation and fit in at any cost. The end result is feeling resentful and cultivating a victim mentality. This also often leads to passive aggressive behaviour where you agree to another person’s demands but actually consciously or unconsciously start to sabotage the agreement.
Trap two– False superiority
This happens when you aggressively communicate your wants and needs. The main objective is to get your own way. The payoff is venting your feelings and increasing your sense of superior. The result is often guilt and regret soon after the altercation.
Option Three
Option three is to be neither inferior nor superior in your approach to conflict resolution. This is done by communicating your needs while showing respect for yourself and the other party in the conflict. The payoff is getting you needs met while increasing your self-respect and the respect of others and gaining confidence.
Gentle assertiveness brings out strengths in all parties in the conflict but passiveness brings out weakness in all parties.
To achieve option three you may need to work on your assertiveness skills which will be discussed in part five of this series.
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