Three simple steps to changing your negative thinking

Step one:  Listen – Listen to what you say to yourself. Take note of your self talk, which is the running dialogue of appraisals or judgements you have a about yourself. One way of putting it is to be a fly on the wall in your own mind. If you don’t listen you can’t change it.

Step two:  Name – Give the self talk a name. Find a way to sum up the statements you are making about yourself.  Like giving a person a nick name based on their personality you are giving the self talk a name based on the theme of the conversation.

Step three:  Change – Decide you’re going to pick a new name that will trigger a whole new way of seeing yourself.

For instance.

Lee often feels her confidence is lowest when she attends meetings at work. Tired of feeling anxious and negative about her job she decided to try the three steps.

Step one:  Listen – As Lee takes a seat at the table her internal dialogue is dominated by thoughts that she’s going to embarrass herself in front of others and her work isn’t as good as everyone else and that none of her colleagues like her.

Step two:  Name – Lee gives these thoughts a name that encompasses the declaration she’s making about herself by allowing these thoughts to continue. She came up with. Mrs. I’m not good enough

Step three:  Change – The awareness of her self talk allowed Lee to walk into the next meeting with a  different mindset instead of repeating the habit of putting herself down and living up to the name Mrs. I’m not good enough she changed the name to Mrs. I’m more than enough. With the new name in mind she refocussed her thoughts on the positives she was taking into the meeting such as the deadlines met the new clients brought in and ways she had found to connect with her colleagues.

Other name change suggestions:

Miss I don’t know anything         –             Miss Its okay to ask

Mr. Can’t do this                              –             Mr. I can handle this

Mrs. Nobody likes me                    –             Mrs. I like me

Ms. Fear                                              –              Ms. Capable

Mrs. Stress                                         –              Mrs. Zen

Mr. No control                                  –              Mr. Choices

If you are looking for more helpful hints on reducing anxiety click here. 

The best way to keep your new year’s resolution

One month into the New Year are you finding it hard to stick to your new year’s resolution? First of all you are not alone. It doesn’t mean you lack will power or fortitude. It just means you may not be using the best techniques for tackling behaviour change. Heartfelt, well meaning, proclamations about ways you’re going to change or approach life differently seem straight forward on December 31 but then life happens and as the saying goes old habits die hard.

The best way to keep your new year’s resolution is not to judge yourself for falling back into old habits but to reward yourself for the times you do get it right. The path to a a new life can’t’ just be about painful decisions and deprivation. You need something to look forward to while you’re making your resolution a habit rather than a change. When you achieve the first step of your new behaviour make the reward immediate especially in the beginning.

E.g. new year’s resolution to eat healthy

The first step is to go through the cupboard and fridge and throw out unhealthy y food. This is a big step and deserves a reward – obviously not with something that is counterintuitive to goals like a cupcake. The best thing to choose is something that has value to you. For instance a trip to the movies, buying new music or going for a massage.

You can also make intrinsic rewards a part of your behaviour change.  This means taking notice of how the change in behaviour makes you feel.  Take a moment to feel proud or good about yourself for achieving the first step. Treasure the feeling and make sure you make the connection between the feeling and the new behaviour.

It’s also important to have short, mid and long term goals. That means coming up with suitable rewards after one day, one week and one month of desired behaviour. The rewards just like the steps should start small and get progressively bigger.  E.g. at the end of one year of eating healthy you reward yourself with the beach holiday you have always wanted.

The best way to keep your new year’s resolution is to not punish the slips or lapses in behaviour but celebrate behaviour change.

For more help have a look at other behaviour change techniques.