Change – one small step

Most people don’t like change, and have an endless supply of excuses for putting off change. Most of us live by the Mark Twain quote –

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

Which would be fine if you were exactly where you want to be in life. If your career, personal life and financial circumstances are all on track then you are one of the lucky few who don’t need to read on.

If you dream of a better life than the one you have now, the next quote is more helpful to live by.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama.

Most of us put off even the small steps to change because unconsciously we know they might ignite powerful change. It’s normal for powerful change to be scary but it’s your choice if you want continue to make excuses and let fear hold you back.

If you’re sick of fear controlling your life take one small step towards change. Rather than the big things that are easy to justify postponing choose one small thing you have been meaning to do for ages. E.g. go out and buy the paint you want to start an art project. Clean out one draw instead of setting yourself the task of cleaning the entire house. While having your morning coffee do some research on the course you’ve always wanted to do.

Commit to one small step. Spend one hour fanning the flames of change instead of the flames of fear. One fire burns you and one clears the path towards your future.

How to use your own wisdom

Do you need to make a decision?

Are you so wrapped up in a conflict at work or at home that you are not sure if your position on the topic is reasonable?

Do you get yourself in trouble because you get swept up in your own emotions?

In these situation I use a really simple “wise mind” exercise that makes it easy to take control and chart all your conflicting emotions and thoughts. It’s also a reminder that even though we may be highly emotional or confused we all have the capacity to discern the right path for us.

Like most of my suggestions it may appear too simple to work but from my own experience and that of my clients it’s a good way to gain some clarity and confidence in your choices and convictions.

On a blank sheet of paper draw two large interlapping circles. e.g.

In one circle write emotional mind in the other write inventive mind and in the overlapping space write wise mind.

The trick in decision making or analysing a conflict situation is to activate our wise mind without denying our emotions or our opinions.

In the emotional mind circle write down all your feelings. No editing. Even if the emotions are destructive or negative the aim is to acknowledge them rather than judge yourself for them.

Then in the inventive mind circle write down what you think to be true.

Now try to write down what you know to be true in the wise mind circle. Stick to the facts. Not the good or bad, right or wrong, should or shouldn’t, fair or unfair.

By analysing the wise mind map you can accept and acknowledge your emotions and thus take steps to manage them. Then you can unglue your opinions and distorting emotions from the facts and define the who, what, when and where of each situation. This helps you to define your objectives in the situation and how to achieve them and respond from your wise mind rather than react from your emotional mind.

By putting your emotions and opinions into words a thought becomes just a thought and an emotion just an emotion rather than a guiding unconscious force in your life.

Three simple steps to change your negative thinking

Step one:  Listen – Listen to what you say to yourself – about yourself. Take note of your self talk, which is the running dialogue of opinions you have a about yourself.

Step two:  Name – Give the self talk a name. Like giving a person a nick name you are giving the self talk a name based on the focus of the conversation.

Step three:  Change – Decide you’re going to pick a new name that will trigger a whole new way of seeing yourself.

For instance.

Lee often feels her confidence is lowest when she attends meetings at work. Tired of feeling anxious and negative about herself and her job she decided to try the three steps.

Step one:  Listen – As Lee takes a seat at the table her internal dialogue is dominated by thoughts that she’s going to embarrass herself in front of others and her work isn’t as good as everyone else and that none of her colleagues like her.

Step two:  Name – Lee gives these thoughts a name that encompasses the declaration she’s making about herself. She came up with. Mrs. I’m not good enough

Step three:  Change – The awareness of her self talk allowed Lee to walk into the next meeting with a different mindset instead of repeating the habit of putting herself down and living up to the name Mrs. I’m not good enough she changed the name to Mrs. I’m more than enough. With the new name in mind she refocussed her thoughts on the positives she was taking into the meeting such as the deadlines met, the new clients brought in to the organisation and the ways she had found to connect with her colleagues.

Other name change suggestions:

Miss I don’t know anything   –        Miss. It’s okay to ask

Mr. Can’t                               –             Mr. I can handle this

Mrs. Nobody likes me             –        Mrs. I like me

Ms. Fear                                  –            Ms. Capable

Mrs. Stress                              –           Mrs. Zen

Mr. No control                        –          Mr. Choices

For more ideas on how to stop negative thinking click here.