When someone asks you to do something how often do you say yes automatically? Even if it’s a time consuming favour or commitment that puts your priorities to the back of the line again. How often do you regret saying yes? The problem isn’t all the people in your life wanting something from you, the problem is responding without considering the cost to you.
The most common response to a requests is “I should” say yes when the truth is we’re all free to choose whether to say yes or no. Being stuck in the “I should” mindset leaves you in a no win situation. If you say yes when it really isn’t in your best interest it leads to feelings of anger and powerlessness. Leaving you feeling like the victim. If you say no but feel guilty it can lead to conflict as those around you who are used to receiving passive responses from you try to exploit that guilt causing you to blame others for putting you in the situation.
It is important to acknowledge that this process can be difficult and confronting but the difficulty is greatly outweighed by the benefits of making a decision and being assertive rather than assuming “I should” is the only option.
The solution is giving yourself permission to choose. Give yourself permission to explore options and compromises that might be better suited to you. Give yourself permission to not answer straight away giving you time to consider your options. Even if do say yes allow your consent to include boundaries for your commitment. Stepping out of the rut of the “I should” mindset into to the “I choose” mindset allows you to feel liberated and autonomous and make decisions with your self respect intact.
For more tips see the how to say no page
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